The Mowstress

I am in charge of the lawn duties. How very eco of me, huh? Yes, tis true, I mow the lawn every week. I also have taken up the weed whacker duties, which is a completely new experience for me. But if I do say so myself, the lawn looks pretty damn good.

But I have a problem.

You see, it should only take me about an hour to mow the front and back yards, and yet somehow it takes me 3. What could I possibly be doing wrong? I think I know.

It may have something to do with the fact that I have to stop and chit chat with the neighbors for an hour in between bag emptying breaks. This translates into long, long afternoons spent "mowing" the lawn. So I've decided to call those pesky gossiping neighbors that I love so much my "mowstresses". I think that's a pretty creative word, don't you? Feel free to use it in a sentence.

"On my last pass, along the grass, the mowstress stopped me to talk to her ass".

I think I just swore 2 times in this post. That's gotta be a record. And for all you G-Rated folks out there, sorry.